Speaking to women during a CANA Family Week, Bénédicte, a mother, marriage counselor, and member of the Chemin Neuf Community, offered some thoughts on “Being a Mother.”
A blessing
The miracle of procreation inspires admiration, gratitude, and contemplation of the work of nature, of the work of God. Who does not marvel at the tiny hands or toes of a baby?
The psalmist himself marvels: Psalm 138:13, “You formed my kidneys, you wove me in my mother’s womb; I give thanks to you for all these wonders, for I am a marvelous work of your hands.”
In the Bible, motherhood is presented as a favor granted by God, but many women in the Bible also experienced the hardship of infertility.
A personal experience
Motherhood is a unique personal experience for a woman: the child takes up space in her body, in her mind, and in her plans. The woman nourishes the child with her body, her caresses, her gentle words, but also with her tumultuous emotions. The woman is “inhabited,” which is a unique intimate experience.
A women’s affair
Women are mothers following in the footsteps of countless mothers before them. They are united in this adventure, across time and cultures.
We see this bond between women in the Bible between Mary and Elizabeth. Mary, expecting Jesus, goes to help her cousin Elizabeth, who conceived John the Baptist in her old age. They share their joys, their questions, and give thanks to God through their songs and support each other.
An adventure for couples
Motherhood disrupts married life. The father needs the mother to help him become a father, since he did not carry the child and has not experienced the same intimacy with the child. The mother must believe that he is receiving the grace of being a father, of being the guardian of this garden that is our family.
In the Bible, we see the experience of Joseph. Joseph is inspired by a dream, takes responsibility, and leads the Holy Family to Egypt to protect them.
As a mother, a woman can sometimes put aside her role as a lover and loving wife. Motherhood can be “fulfilling” (like a career) and lead to distancing oneself from one’s spouse. Dialogue on this subject is very important so that everyone can express their emotions, needs, and expectations, especially in the area of physical intimacy.
Pitfalls and remedies
In the experience of motherhood, several pitfalls can be encountered: the temptation to be all-powerful, self-sufficient, independent of others, controlling, possessive, perfectionist, resigned, anxious, discouraged, etc.
For a mother, identifying the trap she falls into most often can help her change her ways and find the right remedy.
Several remedies can help women fully embrace their role as mothers:
– humility, gentleness, gratitude (acknowledgement: “The Mighty One has done great things for me”),
– interdependence (unity with one’s spouse)
- humor, acceptance of one’s limitations and weaknesses,
- intercession (“Jesus, I trust in you”),
- renewal.
Conclusion
It is about being creative in finding your own way of being a mother, letting yourself be guided by the Holy Spirit day after day.
In the apostolic exhortation AMORIS LAETITIA (No. 174), Pope Francis wrote in 2016: “Mothers are the strongest antidote to the spread of selfish individualism. They are the ones who bear witness to the beauty of life […] Dear mothers, thank you, thank you for what you are in the family and for what you give to the Church and to the world.”